Corporate events suck. However, despite perceived notions of awkward interaction in the name of procedural socializing, these events have their benefits.
No matter the type, they can strengthen morale, showcase new products and introduce fresh concepts. They create networking opportunities, optimize existing client relationships and create new business leads. They also require you to get up absurdly early, force you to succumb to the grips of lackluster cups of coffee and require your acute attention to speakers that could put a group of Olympic athletes into a sleep deeper than Sleeping Beauty’s. So without further ado, here are ten things you can look forward to hating at your next corporate event!
1. Wardrobe Decisions
Versace Versace Versace? The term “business casual” has crept its way in to culture and will be more abstract as it is distorted by the younger generation of workers. It’s not a fashion show, but sometimes… it feels like it.
2. Terrible Name Tags
The dreaded name badges…No matter the intelligence level of its recipient, attendees never seem to conquer this sticky scarlet letter.
3. Painful Ice Breakers
There has never been a solution to rebrand the ever-hated icebreaker. Can’t we all just text each other emoji strands that speak to our inner corporate identity? Lol, idk bro.
4. No Kids Allowed
Sorry parents, your kids are not only a financial burden on your wallet, but also on event planner’s budgets. Better call your crazy neighbor’s incompetent offspring to care for your precious kin. But hey, maybe she accepts corporate cards?
5. No Spouses Allowed
Unfortunately your spouses are even more expensive to host than your offspring. They consume more and require attention. They’re classy and high context (naturally). Oh, and they’re so not going to this event with you.
6. No More Food Left
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO MORE FOOD?!
Arguably the largest annoyance of any corporate event is shortage of food and drink. Gobbling the finest food and top shelf liquor in a short time span; who doesn’t love that act of glorious gluttony? Because let’s be honest, I mostly came for the refreshments.
Travelers be wary, you are about to be packed on the shortest short bus in the fleet. Shuttle schedule? Forget about it. When it comes to shuttle services, timing is typically a shot in the dark. Look on the bright side; maybe you’ll relive an awkward grade school bus fantasy. SAME SEATS!
8. Emails Galore
You’re inbox is about to be blown up. Ever changing details are going to be flooding your inbox. But make sure to save yourself from being “that person” that “didn’t get the email.” Read your emails thoroughly and listen to instruction. We all know you got the email, you just didn’t read it! No one appreciates an uninformed party-goer.
9. Last Minute RSVPing
I’m willing to bet you didn’t read the email either…
You’re a last minute RSVP. Be prepared to also be a second class citizen. Better bring your best pouty lip and deepest regrets because you’re definitely getting stopped at the door. Bring business cards, let the staff know who you are and BE POLITE. If you follow these simple steps you’ll enter only with the shame you’ve brought upon yourself.
10. Crappy Hotel Accommodations
You’re not important enough for the presidential suite
One must simply endure with a smile and a positive attitude. So pack your favorite onesie and prepare for a night of trashy television. The mini bar is your friend.
For ways to make sure your corporate event doesn’t suck read 3 Corporate Event Ideas That Don’t Suck, and as always, happy planning!